Chaos at the Hunky Monkey Eye Candy Award Ceremony

by Venus Mari Zapedzki

A spate of vomiting disrupted the much-awaited and well-attended Hunky Monkey Eye Candy award cremony on Saturday. It is believed that someone spiked the food and/or the drinks, and the leftovers of these have been handed over to the OHPD for testing, along with the trophy that the MC Sasha Panchenko threw up into.

But the perpetrators failed to prevent the announcement of the winners.

The contest attracted a large number of nominees, twenty-three in all: "JD" Garcias, Marcus, Vicious Sparrow, Michael Montanari, Benard Purcell, Daric Marano, Sal Valentine, Axel Kane, Aisaak R Sanchez, Ty Lovecraft, Jack Boyer, Hau Cheng, Nikolay Aslanov, Erik 'Jaques' Durand, Gin Crow, Nato, Viktor Aslanov, MinHo Moon, Wook-hee Moon, Leo Smith, Wayne Blackwood, Ernesto Cruz & Joe Surface.

There were three runners-up, with an equal number of votes each: Daric Marano, Gin Crow, Jack Boyer and MinHo Moon.

But the clear winner with the largest number of votes, twice that of each of the runners-up, was Nato.

It is to be hoped that those who were affected by the spiking will recover quickly with no serious after-effects, and that the police will swiftly apprehend those responsible for the spiking.

And congratulations to Nato. It is the opinion of this reporter that his win is well-deserved. It is to be hoped that, once the OHPD have completed their investigations, that the trophy will be presented to him thoroughly cleaned.